Children of Purity Part II

I did this blog post in 2 parts mostly because it was late and I couldn’t write all I needed to share in one sitting.  It’s getting late again…and here I am.  Hopefully I don’t need a Part III 😉

Life has gotten a little crazy, wrapping up church programs for Christmas and putting together Christmas “stuff”.  So, it’s taken me a bit longer to write about my meeting with Pastor Dorothy.  Can I just put as a side note, if you ever get a chance to hear her testimony, don’t miss the opportunity.  It’s is perfectly clear why she is in the specific ministry she is in, and I believe God has used her circumstances, as difficult as they may have been, to better His Kingdom.  I can only pray that God uses me as much so.

This is an especially brave post for me.  If you knew me, you would know why, after what I am going to share in this post.  But I find it really difficult to share what I have gleaned from Pastor Dorothy and other truths I’ve discovered,without first opening up myself, in hopes that God may begin to use me beyond the small circle I have kept to this past year and a half.

No great details, because really, details are only God’s business.  There was another reason I went forward back at that conference to talk to the speaker, and that is the main reason she gave me Pastor Dorothy’s name.  A year and a half ago, I became a single mom.  A single mom to a wonderful little boy whom I adore and cherish.  A little boy that has gotten me through more than I could ever go through by myself.  A little boy that I am so thankful for, who needs me and loves me for me.  And I wanted to know how do I step up and help my son see the importance of purity as a single mom.  There are things that boys just don’t learn from their mom’s, and how do I make sure he doesn’t miss these important things?!

Up until this point I have only shared my circumstance with those closest to me and my church family, who have been a tremendous support.  I wouldn’t dare go beyond that because: I was still healing, and working through anger, hurt and insecurity, which is never a good time to share anything because then details and hurt that should never be public, become public.  I also had to come to grips with knowing that what other’s think mean nothing.  Only God knows the heart and only God knows the details.  That was and still is difficult for me.  I HATE not being liked, or having people mad at me.  People who think less of me fall into that category as well.  And to know that there would be people (Christians at that…) out there, knowing nothing about my unique circumstances,  judging me…was just hard to accept.  So, I kept close quarters, and you know what, that was ok.

I’ve come a long ways since then.  I believe that God is going to use me AND my circumstances.  No one needs to know anything more or less than the fact that I am a single mom to O, and knowing that piece about me right now is ok.  I don’t have to keep skirting conversations or questions, or being careful how I word things because I don’t want people to know who I am.

To be honest, Pastor Dorothy and I spent over half of the meeting talking about me, and my life the past 2 years.  She shared with me her story, while very different, still very much the same.  She was encouraging, uplifting and took some burdensome questions off of my chest for which I am so thankful!  She gave me so many resources for parents, single mom’s, and even parent(s) who are raising teenagers. My goodness, she sent me a way with so many books!  I’m going to list them all in another post.  I believe in sharing resources as well!

Pastor Dorothy shared that as a single mom of a son, you need to find a male mentor for your child, if he doesn’t already have one.  Someone he can look up to and learn from.  Some dad’s are still a constant figure in your son’s life which is great…they can still fulfill that role despite the circumstances you may be in.  But for some that is not the case.  In this case, if you have family close by they are a great resource for a Godly male figure!   But know your son needs a Godly male influence.  There are just certain things a single mom can not do, like show your son how to be a man of respect in a way a son needs to know.  As women, we are just wired differently and your son needs to see that it is ok to be different, because God created man to be man.

It also needs to be someone you trust.  Also, don’t be dumb.  Asking a man around your age, who is married to someone else (with our without kids) may not be the best idea for a male figure in your son’s life.  Live above reproach and be smart.

There are so many other things that we talked about that could lead into blog posts of their own.  As parents, single or not, life can get so crazy.  It’s like we’re on this hamster wheel that keeps going, and going and we just can’t get off.  Susie goes to ballet, Bobbie goes to hockey, Mommy works 2 jobs, Daddy works 3 just to make ends meet and to pay for the activities that the children are in.  It’s like we have placed our identity in being busy.  I also think sometimes you may be married, and still feel like you’re a single parent because one spouse is doing so much to make sure your family is provided for.

But what does provided for mean in today’s world?  Does providing for your family mean that you work 3 jobs to pay for all your kids activities, plus a large mortgage on a house that’s twice the size you really need, and a car payment (or 2!) on vehicles that are new and decked out?  What about time spent with mom & dad…are they being provided for in the thing they need the most…a connection with you?  You are the one who will show them Jesus, and the victorious life we can live through Him.

Pastor Dorothy & I discussed how far off the priorities in our families are today.  I’m going to save that for another day though because this post could get REALLY long if I expand on this.

I’m not sure who will read this, or what circumstance you find yourself in today.  I hope you check back though, because I’d like to share with you the things I’m learning through my journey.  While I never dreamed this is where I would find myself, I have grown so much and have learned things some people take a lifetime to get.  And I will continue to trust the One who walks with us in the valley and on the mountain.

~D~

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2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Jean on December 12, 2011 at 2:13 am

    It is such an honour to be called “friend” by someone who has the grace, strength, faith, integrity and love that you do. These words just begin to describe you. You are them and so much more.
    I am so eager to see how God changes the lives that cross your path, known and unknown.

    Reply

  2. Posted by April on December 12, 2011 at 2:14 am

    Pastor Dorothy sounds amazing. I will be continuing in prayer for you and O. You are an AMAZING mother and I know God has huge plans for you both ❤

    Reply

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