“Children learn more quickly during their early years than at any other time in life. They need love and nurturing to develop a sense of trust and security that turns into confidence as they grow.”  (http://www.factsforlifeglobal.org/03/)

After reading those quotes I think it goes without saying that the first 5 years of your child’s life provide the most open, moldable moments you will ever have with them.  It’s in these first 5 years that they learn the most about life; how it works, how to react to it, how to recover in it.

This is why parents play such a crucial role in their child’s life, especially during those early years.  They are learning from you.  How the world works for you, how you react to things life throws at you, and how you recover…or don’t recover when life throws you something unexpected.

And while they discover things for themselves, watching you and hearing you will put a specific perspective on what they see and how they see it.  We’ve all witnessed it.  A child who is praised for their discoveries, encouraged to discover things on their own, praised for who they are as a person on the inside, grows with confidence.  When things go wrong they pick up and try again.  They’ve seen you do it.

A child who is verbally trashed on, told they’re not good enough and told they can’t do anything right, will carry that with them for the rest of their lives.  There’s always that nagging lie that they just can’t escape no matter how much praise they get as an adult.  When things go wrong this child says “they” were right…I can’t do it.  They’ve seen you give up…on them and probably on yourself.

What you do and say as a parent makes a HUGE difference straight from birth.

I want to take this to another level though.  Did you ever stop to think that during those first 5 years it’s not just your view of the world and how it works that they are learning.  They are watching your view of God, and who he is.  They are soaking up who God is in your life.  Is He your strength, an Ever Present Help?  Or is He someone you only talk about on Sundays.  Is He your victory, that no matter what comes your way, you know He is there?  What about during the times when you don’t “feel” Him?  Is He still someone you know you can stand on, depend on, trust in?

You have these few, fleeting impressionable moments.  What they see is what they will take with them.  When they struggle, they won’t go back to what they learned in college.  They will go back to what they learned as a child.

I strongly believe the moments my parents took with me as a child affect who I am today and how I react to what life hands me.  My parents showered me with who God is.  I knew from an early age that God was someone I could trust and rely on.  I knew from an early age that even when I felt that God wasn’t there, He was.  That’s what faith is.  Believing in someone who I may not see working all the time.  But I believe He IS working all things together for my good, a child who loves Him.  And someday I will see that good.

But my parents didn’t just tell me who God is.  They showed me who God is by demonstrating it with their own lives.  When life was good, I saw them give praise to God.  When life went wrong, I saw them give praise to God.  Sure, I saw the struggle, but I also saw the dependence on Him.

O is now 2 years old.  He’s discovering his world.  He’s watching me to see how it works, how I react and how I recover.  I have these 5 short years (now 3 short years!), where what I say and do will give him the most information about life.  When he’s 30 years old he will remember what he learned in these years.  Gosh, that’s scary!

I want Him to learn the same things I learned.  That when life is good, we give God praise.  When life goes wrong, we give God praise.  We can depend on Him, we can trust Him, even when it feels like He’s not working, because in faith we know He is.  I want O to see my life lived in victory, because he who the Son sets free is free indeed!

Don’t miss these moments.

If you have, all is not loss.  That window of opportunity may be closed but our God is God of miracles.  Don’t give up!

The mom didn’t work, but she wanted the opportunity to get out of the house more and get some things done, therefore they wanted a nanny.  So, when she was at home with me there, she would sometimes make my lunch when she made hers.  I discovered some yummy things when she did this  Like bite size, baked, butternut squash….delish!

Another thing she made that I fell in love with was a bacon avocado sandwich.  Oh my goodness…I don’t really like avocado (her kids LOVED it…Owen won’t touch it…), BUT in this sandwich it is absolutely delightful!  I made one today, and I added a couple extra things:  sliced turkey & green onion.  Here is what the process of making one looked like:

Putting on the mayo, avocado & green onion.  I also toasted the bread

I find cutting an avocado can be intimidating to people sometimes.  It’s soft and it has a HUGE nut in the middle.  I cut all the way around with a sharp knife, against the nut inside.  Then I pull the two side apart and take the nut out.  After it’s cut and the nut is out, like in the picture below, I take a spoon and glide it along the inside of the skin.  The avocado just pops right out looking perfect.  Then I slice it up thinly.

Time to add the turkey and bacon!

Finished product

And there you have it!  A Turkey Bacon Avocado Sandwich.  Sorry, it’s all gone now, and it tasted heavenly!

I also find it easier if you have a plan.  I know which stores I want to hit and once I get those done I just mosey along to where ever in the time I have left.

I also don’t really care about “door crashers” because there’s never really anything I need, so I go later on in the morning.

Today I hit Bayshore around 12:00.  I had almost 2 hours to look for what I had come to get.  I found those things plus a few more.  I got a couple items of clothing for Owen when he goes to school 2 falls from now.  I discovered an awesome brown leather jacket, and an amazing toiletry bag for 50% off at Urban Trade (bet you’re wondering how amazing a toiletry bag can be…well, you should see this one!).  Then I went into the craziness of Bath & Body Works.  This was the one store that actually had a long line and was insane.  BUT, I was able to get body wash for $3 and hand soap for $2!  After the mall I found winter boots I needed at Globo Shoes for 50% off.

So, my savings for entering craziness today?

Reg. Cost – $364.78

Paid – $168.66

Saved – $196.12!

Think I may do this again next year.  That’s as long as I have someone to watch O.  I didn’t take him with me into the mall.  There were other people there with strollers & kids and I just don’t understand why…why bring your baby/stroller and/or small kids to the mall on the busiest day of the year.  If I had no one to watch O, I just wouldn’t go…insanity.

Life has gotten a little crazy, wrapping up church programs for Christmas and putting together Christmas “stuff”.  So, it’s taken me a bit longer to write about my meeting with Pastor Dorothy.  Can I just put as a side note, if you ever get a chance to hear her testimony, don’t miss the opportunity.  It’s is perfectly clear why she is in the specific ministry she is in, and I believe God has used her circumstances, as difficult as they may have been, to better His Kingdom.  I can only pray that God uses me as much so.

This is an especially brave post for me.  If you knew me, you would know why, after what I am going to share in this post.  But I find it really difficult to share what I have gleaned from Pastor Dorothy and other truths I’ve discovered,without first opening up myself, in hopes that God may begin to use me beyond the small circle I have kept to this past year and a half.

No great details, because really, details are only God’s business.  There was another reason I went forward back at that conference to talk to the speaker, and that is the main reason she gave me Pastor Dorothy’s name.  A year and a half ago, I became a single mom.  A single mom to a wonderful little boy whom I adore and cherish.  A little boy that has gotten me through more than I could ever go through by myself.  A little boy that I am so thankful for, who needs me and loves me for me.  And I wanted to know how do I step up and help my son see the importance of purity as a single mom.  There are things that boys just don’t learn from their mom’s, and how do I make sure he doesn’t miss these important things?!

Up until this point I have only shared my circumstance with those closest to me and my church family, who have been a tremendous support.  I wouldn’t dare go beyond that because: I was still healing, and working through anger, hurt and insecurity, which is never a good time to share anything because then details and hurt that should never be public, become public.  I also had to come to grips with knowing that what other’s think mean nothing.  Only God knows the heart and only God knows the details.  That was and still is difficult for me.  I HATE not being liked, or having people mad at me.  People who think less of me fall into that category as well.  And to know that there would be people (Christians at that…) out there, knowing nothing about my unique circumstances,  judging me…was just hard to accept.  So, I kept close quarters, and you know what, that was ok.

I’ve come a long ways since then.  I believe that God is going to use me AND my circumstances.  No one needs to know anything more or less than the fact that I am a single mom to O, and knowing that piece about me right now is ok.  I don’t have to keep skirting conversations or questions, or being careful how I word things because I don’t want people to know who I am.

To be honest, Pastor Dorothy and I spent over half of the meeting talking about me, and my life the past 2 years.  She shared with me her story, while very different, still very much the same.  She was encouraging, uplifting and took some burdensome questions off of my chest for which I am so thankful!  She gave me so many resources for parents, single mom’s, and even parent(s) who are raising teenagers. My goodness, she sent me a way with so many books!  I’m going to list them all in another post.  I believe in sharing resources as well!

Pastor Dorothy shared that as a single mom of a son, you need to find a male mentor for your child, if he doesn’t already have one.  Someone he can look up to and learn from.  Some dad’s are still a constant figure in your son’s life which is great…they can still fulfill that role despite the circumstances you may be in.  But for some that is not the case.  In this case, if you have family close by they are a great resource for a Godly male figure!   But know your son needs a Godly male influence.  There are just certain things a single mom can not do, like show your son how to be a man of respect in a way a son needs to know.  As women, we are just wired differently and your son needs to see that it is ok to be different, because God created man to be man.

It also needs to be someone you trust.  Also, don’t be dumb.  Asking a man around your age, who is married to someone else (with our without kids) may not be the best idea for a male figure in your son’s life.  Live above reproach and be smart.

There are so many other things that we talked about that could lead into blog posts of their own.  As parents, single or not, life can get so crazy.  It’s like we’re on this hamster wheel that keeps going, and going and we just can’t get off.  Susie goes to ballet, Bobbie goes to hockey, Mommy works 2 jobs, Daddy works 3 just to make ends meet and to pay for the activities that the children are in.  It’s like we have placed our identity in being busy.  I also think sometimes you may be married, and still feel like you’re a single parent because one spouse is doing so much to make sure your family is provided for.

But what does provided for mean in today’s world?  Does providing for your family mean that you work 3 jobs to pay for all your kids activities, plus a large mortgage on a house that’s twice the size you really need, and a car payment (or 2!) on vehicles that are new and decked out?  What about time spent with mom & dad…are they being provided for in the thing they need the most…a connection with you?  You are the one who will show them Jesus, and the victorious life we can live through Him.

Pastor Dorothy & I discussed how far off the priorities in our families are today.  I’m going to save that for another day though because this post could get REALLY long if I expand on this.

I’m not sure who will read this, or what circumstance you find yourself in today.  I hope you check back though, because I’d like to share with you the things I’m learning through my journey.  While I never dreamed this is where I would find myself, I have grown so much and have learned things some people take a lifetime to get.  And I will continue to trust the One who walks with us in the valley and on the mountain.

~D~

I attended several seminars over those 2 days but this one really sparked a fire in my heart.  The seminar was on raising our children to display a character of purity, in particular, sexual purity.  I took the most notes out of all the seminars.  The stats she gave were shocking, and the materials she shared, to help our children see the importance of purity, were amazing.  She shared so many great ideas to instill this in our children, and I wrote each of them down, along with my own ideas that were coming alive.

So many leaders were asking questions and we had so little time at the end, that I didn’t get a chance to ask the questions that were beginning to burn in my heart.  I waited until the rest of the leaders had a chance to talk with her after the seminar and I managed to catch her for a few short moments.

You see, the seminar had revolved a lot around raising girls to be pure.  Which is so very, very important.  We want our girls at a young age to have that confidence in herself, that confidence in Christ that so many lack.  If they could only see how precious they are in Christ eyes, and the damage that is done; emotionally, physically, psychologically, when they give themselves away to just anyone.  There are some amazing Christian organizations that now exist to help teen girls through this roller coaster part of their life.  Check out www.tatteredtiaras.com.  Amazing organization.  Or check out www.twloha.com, a organization worth getting behind in supporting teens who struggle with depression, self-mutilation, etc.

But, you see, I’m not a mother of a girl.  Oh, the many resources I could pull from if I had a daughter.  All the awesome “Dear Boy” t-shirts I could buy her!

I am the very proud mother of a son.  A son I hope will grow up to see himself as a child of the King.  A son I pray will become a man of purity.  A son who knows what it truly means to love a girl.  A son who will look for a girl who truly knows what it means to respect a boy.  I don’t want my son to become the boy in the “Dear boy” shirts girls will wear.  I want to raise a man of purity.

Well, you can google all you want, but there just isn’t the same amount of organizations that will teach and support my son like we have for daughters.  Oh, there’s books like “Raising Boys” by James Dobson, which is fine and dandy for me to read (which I presently am going through).  But what about something for my growing up to be a teenage son.  Where is his “Dear girl” shirt?

I can tell the seminar speaker is a little loss as to what resources to give me.  But, she does give me 2 names to be get in contact with.  One is a lady who lives closer to Toronto.  The other is Pastor Dorothy, whom I am already familiar with.  Senior’s pastor, single’s pastor, divorce care pastor.  I was told she is a wealth of information.  I contacted her the day I returned from the conference and she was more than willing to meet with me.

To be continued…

I also very much prefer WordPress over Blogger.  I know you can do more with Blogger, but WordPress just looks more clean, and I find it look less cluttered & easier to read.  For those reasons I have come back to this blog…like I actually blog anyways

“Owen, what does a doggie say?”     “Oeuf, Oeuf”

“Owen, what does a train say?”     “too, too”

“Owen, where’s your nose?”     Points to nose and then puts finger IN nose (gosh, really…that

starts now?)

“Owen, where’s your tongue?”     Points to nose

“Owen, where’s your ears?”     Points to nose

NEW WORD:  Juice

NEW SIGN:  All Done

I think I’m going to work on the sign for sorry next…he seems to need to say that more now.  Sorry to all the people he’s hit with flying toys, slapped or pushed down (Sorry Medea).

Mom – obviously

Dada

Nan

Pop

Dawn (comes out as “Nawn”)

(Today he tried to say “Grammie“, but it’s not consistent yet…soon!)

Ball (comes out as “Baw”) – this is his favorite word and he knows exactly where his many balls are…he also calls ANYTHING that is circular in shape a “baw”

Hi – he says this while holding a phone to his ear

Bye – this one is kind of random.  He also waves when he is leaving or when I’m leaving

Amen (comes out as “maymen”)

Splash (comes out as “spash”) – this is his word for bath.  If you ask him if he wants to go “splash, splash” he will immediately drop whatever he is doing and make a bee line for the bathroom saying “spash, spash” over and over, lol

Book – this is his new word.  He started saying this a couple days ago.  He pronounces it very clearly and even makes sure he says his “k” at the end.  Plus, he knows what a book is…and he’ll bring you a book to read or if you ask him to get another book, he will go get one.

Aside from words, he also loves to point to his nose when you ask him where his nose is (dad told him he was nosey the other day and he pointed to his nose, haha).  He will also shake your hand if you put yours out and say “how do you do”…then he will go around the room, or table, and shake everyone elses hand.

Oh gosh, he is so cute!  I get so proud of him just writing this.

Yesterday he had a fall and got a “boo boo” by his eye.  I’ll leave you with a picture of my little trooper and his injury…

There were a couple things that I wanted if I was going to have Owen’s pictures taken.  First, I wanted pictures that captured Owen’s personality.  Secondly, I wanted the price and pictures to be excellent.  Thirdly, I wanted to be given all my pictures (not just the ones that the photographer thought was good).

Oya, from Anzans Photography, exceeded all my expectations.  If you live in the Ottawa/Upper Quebec  area I highly recommend checking her out!  Here is what I got from her.

1.  She took 2 1/2 hours with Owen.  She took her time and if he got cranky while trying to get a certain shot we took a break in a separate room.

2.  She went for the “important pictures” first while he was in a good mood so we had them.  Those were the head shots that brought his eyes out.  Then we tried some others after that.  She asked me what I wanted and left things up to me yet also took charge…I liked that.

2.  She was willing to re-schedule our session if Owen wasn’t ok with it that day…at no extra cost!

3.  The cost was AWESOME for what I got!  It was $150 for the 2 1/2 hours.  On top of that (and unexpectedly), it included pictures of Owen and I!  Owen was getting tired and cranky toward the end when we went to take them so we didn’t get that many.  BUT, I can go back any time and she’ll take them for us!  AT NO EXTRA COST!

4.  I get ALL my pictures on cd.  She does a folder of pictures she’s worked on, and then another folder with ALL the pictures.  Most photographers make you purchase a package with a certain amount of pictures.  If you want more you have to pay for more.  I get ALL, I repeat, ALL my pictures on cd (included in the $150), to print as I like and put where I like…all she asks is that I giver her credit…which of course I will do!

All in all I was very impressed and will return to her as long as I remain in the Ottawa area!  It takes 2 weeks to get our pictures but she did a couple for me later that day and put them on Facebook so I could see them (another bonus!).  Here they are:

Photo by Anzans Photography

Hat by my mom

Photo by Anzans Photography

Hat by my grandmother

Child by Jon and Diana Billings, hehe